27 August 2011

head over heels

A hurricane! What better time to write with abandon and impunity?

I'm not head over heels for anyone but my daughter. BUT this song has been running through my mind. See the end of this post for full brilliant lyrics.

Sooooo... I have not written since m
y last post because I froze. I froze because the day (literally, the day) after I wrote my last post I met a man who fulfills the criteria of the post I wrote. And so I succumbed to Be Careful What You Wish For. Because I got it. And what I drew from the experience was: don't make any more lists. I have made lists in the past, and, like Kelly Lebrock in Weird Science I got a perfectly constructed and soulless though entertaining specimen of limited duration. I'd say this was no exception except for the soulless part. Good thing he told me he doesn't read blogs.

Part of me wants to write out the story of how it all transpired; a brawnier part of me says it's not necessary, and that basically the story had already been written. Woman summons man; man appears; woman enters into the affair a little cross-eyed yet with support and awareness; man steps up to the threshold and summarily turns around and trots away; woman sighs in relieved agreement. But this woman had already decided to shut the door as he turned to trot away, and didn't actually ante up anything in the meantime. Net zero.

Okay, okay already: criteria neither a man nor relationship make. I've been asking my nearest and dearest about the kind of man they'd like to see me with. A man who brings me joy, with whom I pee myself with laughter (yes, that was one criterion from the last post, but it was co-opted from this friend); a man who is absolutely, completely true, who has nothing to hide and is unabashedly himself and
genuinely wonderful and caring; a man who has "got it together" as much as I have. Hrm. My initial response was, "he's already married." The retort was, "well, maybe he's divorced." Touche.

We can only wait and see what transpires. I'm so skeptical. I have always described myself as a skeptically optimistic hopeless romantic. Maybe I need to slough off the skepticism in favor of genuine openness and optimism. Yoinks. That sounds a little too soft. Where's my Roland Orzabal?

I wanted to be with you alone
And talk about the weather
But traditions I can trace against the child in your face
Wont escape my attention

You keep your distance with a system of touch
And gentle persuasion
Im lost in admiration could I need you this much
Oh, youre wasting my time
Youre just wasting time

Something happens and Im head over heels
I never find out till Im head over heels
Something happens and Im head over heels
Ah dont take my heart
Dont break my heart
Dont dont dont throw it away

(throw it away, throw it away)

I made a fire and watching burn
Thought of your future
With one foot in the past now just how long will it last
No no no have you no ambition
My mother and my brothers used to breathe in clean in air
And dreaming Im a doctor
Its hard to be a man when theres a gun in your hand
Oh I feel so...

Something happens and Im head over heels
I never find out till Im head over heels
Something happens and Im head over heels
Ah dont take my heart
Dont break my heart
Dont dont dont throw it away

And this my four leaf clover
Im on the line, one open mind
This is my four leaf clover.....

1 comment:

  1. Your "Good Man" list made me sad when I read it. It sounded like you were looking for your twin brother, not a whole other person who could bring something completely different (but yet complementary) to the table.

    And then today: "Okay, okay already: criteria neither a man nor relationship make." Especially when your example walked up, presented himself, and turned out to be a hollow shell. I love it.

    In this posts you spelled it out: in order to find a good man, you need to have your heart open wide to other hearts. Checklists and criteria only serve to hide and obscure those hearts.

    Unless the checklist is of what a person _is_ (a wonderful dedicated friend/son, earnest, caring, loyal, and truthful, who is passionate about what they're into, whatever that may be), and not what they _do_ (eat healthfully, smoke, do yoga, whatever).

    Go get 'em, tiger.