let go

I love this prompt, because it embodies another concept that I wanted to write about today anyway: common two-word phrases that when separated and taken literally take on another, different, magical meaning. Things like let go, take care, help yourself, keep quiet, human being, things like that. It can be a little hokey and a little cliched at times, but really I take delight in these little things.

Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I have let go of so much! To the extent that I'm soaring for real. For most of my life I was holding myself down, holding myself back. Like running wearing a parachute or a vest made of weights. Trying to swim while dragging a brick. But really it was a slingshot and every step backwards just increased the potential for forward motion and momentum. And so the slingshot has been let go. In every way. Not only has it shot me into orbit, it also is no longer useful.

I've let go of limiting patterns and any flicker of a notion that I am unworthy or unlovable. I am lovable and so loved! By myself first! By. Myself. That's another one! I am right by myself. Feels so perfect.

I've let go of the need to be right, ever. I've let go of the need to be heard or understood. I've let go of holding my self-worth in relation to anyone or anything. I've let go of expectations, of reactions, of that distance between intuition and action. I've let go of needing to be comforted or taken care of by anyone else. Have let go of the idea of security, and am in the process of letting go of my fear of death. And flying. In an airplane. Ironic, isn't it?

I have let go of doubts and made room for perpetual uncertainty.

I have let go of the notion that being in a relationship is preferable to not being in a relationship, or that marriage is an unavoidable eventuality. I've even let go of the thoughts that create monogamy but have not been in a position to flex that muscle. Maybe it's a phase.

I have let go of my hair, my own living space, a couple of cats, a whole bunch of shame and self-defeating actions, and of the fear of being seen (mostly).

Is that it? Probably not. But it's enough for now.