07 February 2011

one word

I've decided to do Reverb10 http://www.reverb10.com/the-prompts/

Going to keep it as honest yet vague as possible. If you know me well enough you'll be able to fill in the intentional gaps.

One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

2010: Awakening

I don't remember much about the first seven months of 2010. I was asleep, under a spell. The thing about being enchanted is that you don't know you're enchanted. Neither do other people, except the ones who know you best, and really they are not inclined to tell you that you're being a zombie. They just watch and make sure you don't fall flat on your face. But even then...

So I woke up in July. It wasn't even a rude awakening to be honest. It was just really bright all of a sudden. There was light cast in directions it had never previously reached. But wow it was bright. Then I could see. You know how you look at yourself, your face let's say, under medium/dim lighting and then you go into a dressing room or a bathroom with bright natural light and then you can see all those hairs on your upper lip and the crust in your eye and the smear of pen on your cheek (heaven only knows how that got there). Kinda like that, but even more intense. Also like when you cut yourself, say, on the hand with something incredibly sharp. So sharp it doesn't even hurt. You can see the wound, you can see the blood, but really it's no big deal. You can take care of it because the pain isn't clouding your judgment. You just take care of it.

It's one thing to wake up, and it's quite another to get up. I've been in the process of standing and greeting myself and the world for the latter part of 2010 and thus far into 2011. Not scared. I'm not at all scared to be illuminated by this brightness. Turns out it's coming from inside me.

Kind of like this new sci-fi book that I'm planning to read called The Illumination, about pain manifesting as light, leading to love.

2011: Liberation

I had already set the intention for liberation in 2011. That is the theme, the current, the guiding light for this year. Easy. Jonathan Cainer tells me this is the year for me to fulfill my destiny. I say, bring it.

I'm choosing the word "liberation" because it invokes the idea of being freed from fetters I did not even consciously realize I had. It's been an interesting line to walk of not turning around and offering myself right back up to bondage. Sometimes we can't even see the bars, right? But luckily I have help. It feels right to be free. It is a constant practice to remain so, but I am lucky to have help and support in not pricking my finger, not eating of the poisoned apple, not losing any shoes.

Standing confident in my own truth also liberates me from the pull that judgments of others once had, despite all intentions to resist. I can now see the confusion, the pain, the envy that comes with abiding in a place that is compromised. All you can do when you're bound is reach, grasp, throw whatever is in reach (which could very well be a big pile of sh!t). But when you have the freedom to walk away, you do. Strolling.

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