04 June 2010

radical honesty

I actually wrote this idea out last night on paper (paper?! what's that?!) and have decided to translate it here mostly as a result of my Jonathan Cainer horoscope for the week ahead:

Sagittarius, Saturday, 5 June 2010
Your Week Ahead: This week brings a tricky decision plus a tough choice for a friend or loved one. Jupiter has now moved into a new sector of the sky. That's a clear sign that you've got to start reaching for the brightest and the best in every area of life. You do this anyhow? Then reach for the even better and the even brighter! And honour your highest ideals and loftiest principles. Respect the truth. Sometimes, a policy of honesty can be a stressful path to follow. Discretion may well make life easier than candour. But while you can be diplomatic, you must maintain integrity. If something is only 'nearly good enough' it's not good enough.

This, like most of Cainer's readings, kicks me in the pants for many reasons, several of which are unbloggable [sorry. 'authentic voice' does not have to mean 'put things on the internet that you really shouldn't']. But the concept of respecting the truth and the policy of honesty being a stressful path to follow is one that really shakes my tree, specifically because of the thoughts I was having last night.

I hate being lied to. And of course I've lied plenty of times. I try not to lie. Usually I lie if I'm scared, because as Mr. Cainer so thoughtfully observes, discretion does often make life easier than candour. But I will say that I really profoundly respect people who are straight up and deeply honest in sometimes a shocking way. And it also doesn't get very many people job interviews. Hm.

And what about lying by omission? Usually a person does this to make him(or her)self look good. And what about when you know someone is lying? I have had moments where either through information or just the ability to pick up on a shift in energy I knew someone was straight up lying about something, but very rarely would I ever call someone out on it. I wonder why? Because I don't like confrontation? Or because I find it much more interesting to observe a lie in action and not interfere with its natural progress. And I reserve judgment because everyone lies and this is just that person's time to lie for whatever reasons he/she may have...

The most painful lies are the ones to which we subject ourselves. Because they are so darn believable. And ultimately we're burned so much worse by those than by telling your housemate that you didn't actually drink all of the orange juice when of course you did. Those are the relationships that don't work out, the jobs that we didn't ever really want, the karma that comes back to bite us from stealing, harming, or simply not trusting our gut instincts. To me that is the most radical honesty: trusting your intuition and standing by it even in the face of a rational argument, a prevalent trend, or a fabricated need.

Jonathan!! "If something is only 'nearly good enough' it's not good enough." What?! You blew my mind apart with that one. That's not very Catholic! I am operating in "you get what you get and you don't get upset" and this guy tells me to reach for the brightest and best, the highest and loftiest? Oh boy. I've got some values calisthenics to do this weekend. Pray for me.

And pray for my mama. She gets the results of her latest PET scan on Wednesday. Healthful thoughts for all of us.


  1. i remember a certain someone that said she was not very organized in a job interview...who could that be? :) (she didn't get the job!)

    also, much positive energy coming your mom's way from my heart

  2. I literally had a physical reaction to this blog. It hurt to read each of the words on the page. I wanted skim. Wow, I have some thinking to do.

    You and your mom are in my heart and thoughts.

  3. Gorgeous as always. You be doin it gurl, even if (and perhaps precisely because) it sometimes feels like you're not.

  4. I don't REACH for what I want regularly enough-- I plod and plan and work incrementally but steadily towards something. When I DO reach, 5 times out of 10 I don't achieve, fall flat, and am heartbroken.

    But for me, serendipity nearly always wins out in the end-- some other option becomes available, usually out of the blue, and is even better than what I had just been heartbroken over. This has happened to me so many times in my life-- with jobs, other life goals, even with my family. It's almost as if all of the hard work and strife of working towards the wrong thing is a prerequisite for the universe to just hand me the RIGHT thing, the right job, the right husband, the right child.

    Here's an example of something that shouldn't probably go on the internet: We worked for nearly 2 years to adopt a child from Ethiopia, only to be rejected at the last minute for me having imperfect blood glucose control, something I've been struggling (plodding) with and gaining incremental ground with for nearly 5 years, and the reason why we were adopting in the first place. No warning, they 'forgot' to tell us after we'd been very straightforward with them the whole time.

    Peter and I were heartbroken for nearly a month until our social worker said that there was a baby born locally two weeks ago, the parents were working on an adoption plan, and our profile was going to be shown to the birth family.

    Lucy's birth parents decided that WE were the people to raise their baby. Three days later, there we were with a perfect, perfect infant whose birth family (figuratively) placed in our arms. How's that for serendipity?

    Thanks Amelia, for making me think, and feel, and react.

  5. G-MAMA. You are a wise and brave woman and an incredible strong mother. Lucy will be a strong girl as a result of your falling flat and getting back up to be in the right place at the right time. Thanks for offering your experience :-) maybe it all belongs on the internet after all. I'm really honored that you read the blog. And I'm really looking forward to meeting your beautiful Lucy with the coolest parents in Eastie.